Supplements for Fertility

I’ve started seeing a new acupuncturist who specializes in fertility acupuncture at The Texas Center for Reproductive Acupuncture and I thought I’d share with you the supplements that I am already taking and the ones that I’ve added per suggestion of my new acupuncturist.

pill pic2

Prenatal Vitamin – Innate Baby & Me Multivitamin These vitamins are all natural, vegetarian, dairy free, easy on the stomach and have folate instead of folic acid. The instructions are to take one pill twice daily. I am taking the prenatal in the morning and then a different multi-mineral in the evening.

Omega – NuTru O-Mega-Zen + EPA soft-gels  No fish burps! These vegan soft-gels are derived from Algae, contain EPA which is necessary to grow a healthy circulatory system, and DHA which is key in developing a healthy central nervous system.

Hawaiian Spirulina – Nutrex Hawaiian Spirulina tablets Spirulina is a blue/green algae that works wonders for fertility and the immune system. I’m so glad that my acupuncturist recommended these because I’ve been thinking about taking them for a while now. My dogs also love them!

Probiotic – Enzymedica Pro-Bio In my opinion, everyone should be taking a probiotic. I take these because they were recommended by Anthony William of The Medical Medium and are formulated to survive the acidic environment of the stomach, ensuring active probiotic function in the small intestine. This also helps to support immune function.

Coenzyme Q10 – Pure Encapsulations CoQ10  This was another one that my acupuncturist suggested. She also said that David should be taking these too. Found in every cell of the body, CoQ10 is a part of the electron transport chain which is responsible for generating energy in our cells . It is used to reduce inflammation and act as an antioxidant. I will be taking 600 mg/ daily and my husband will be taking 400 mg.

Multi-mineral – Mary Ruth’s Liquid Nighttime Multimineral  This is the multi-mineral that I referred to earlier. This vegan formula is designed for maximum absorption and supports your body in receiving the nutrients it needs to rebuild and calm the cells and nerves throughout the night. The ‘coconut dream’ flavor is pleasant but the consistency does take a bit getting used to. One’s husband could place in a cup and deposit as their sample, if you know what I mean.

 

 

Ode to Infertility

As I sit down to write this I am shaking. I think I have always known that I would share my story but haven’t had the words until now. So, here we go.

David and I suffer from ‘Unexplained Infertility’. A fun little term that they stamp on your forehead after a year of trying to conceive without success and with no apparent reason why. It’s now been two years since we decided that we would officially start ‘trying’. It was a few months before a year of trying and I had a feeling that something was wrong.  I come from a family of extremely fertile women and was an ‘accident’ myself. Also, I seem to remember a very informed coach saying, “Don’t have sex, because you will get pregnant and die”. Still waiting, Coach Carr. I expressed concern with my OBGYN and she brushed off my concerns and made me feel like an overreacting child. “You’re young”, she said. “You are healthy, have never had an abnormal PAP and your mom did not have difficulty conceiving. You’ll be fine.” And that was the last time I saw her.

I have gone on to try everything in the book before fertility treatments.  People like to ask if you’ve tried this and that and want you to know that their mom’s friend’s sister in law had the SAME EXACT problem and now they are pregnant with their fifth child so don’t worry. Thanks, now I can relax. That’s also my favorite – ‘just relax’. I have been told to pray more and harder and in a certain way. It has been suggested to me that my womb is closed so that I can focus on a career. I have been told to do handstands after sex, take these vitamins, no wait that THESE vitamins, try meditating, talk to so-and-so, eat meat, don’t eat meat, gain weight, stop running because running is TERRIBLE, make sure you’re exercising, and the list goes on and on.

We have, as of now completed two rounds of IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) with no success. I am now a pro at shooting myself up in my stomach, something that makes me feel like I could both walk on hot stones like Pam Beasley from The Office and collapse to the floor like the wet noodle that I am. My life is one giant oxymoron. I have now done things that never in a million years did I think I would ever consider or thought that I was sturdy enough to handle and I will go on to tackle a hundred more hurdles that will shock and amaze me.

If I had to describe this journey with a metaphor, I would say that it’s like being stranded on a life boat in the middle of the ocean with a cheese banana and a flip phone. You keep paddling because what else do you do, you eat the cheese banana because it’s all you have and it’s so terrible that it’s actually hilarious in a fucked up kind of way and you use the flip phone for its shitty reception because you have to find a way to connect with someone even if it’s never enough to fill the giant hole in your raft.

I have sobbed in front of strangers, distanced myself from friends and family and have experienced the most intense feelings of jealousy known to woman-kind… something that I am profoundly ashamed of. I sometimes wonder if the universe finds my plight amusing when Instagram shows me ads of perfectly glowing moms-to-be, Amazon sends me free trial diapers and someone announces a pregnancy every time I start my period. I am unpredictable, extremely protective of myself, totally raw and somehow still hopeful. And that is why I write this for you.

standing on a line jpg

To the woman screaming in her car, this is for you. To the woman still smiling when there is nothing left inside, this is for you. To the men feeling useless and confused, love her so hard. To the women who have come before me to expose your wounds, thank you. You inspire me every day. To the woman who can’t reveal this pain, I see you. This is for you. To all my warrior sisters, we are hella strong and I am proud to be among so much love, courage and compassion. This is for us.

 

 

A BFN and Ankle Surgery

Just a little update, late as it may be, but we were not successful in our last IUI. It was devastating, as always, and I was not able to post the results until now.

Currently, I am posted up on the sofa with a giant cast. I decided to go head and get surgery on my ankle over the holidays probably as a way to distract myself from the latest baby disappointment. BIG mistake. I forgot the fact that the holidays are hell and I wouldn’t be able to do the things that I fret over every year like buying everyone’s presents, keeping the house clean, cooking, shuffling dogs to and fro, etc.

ankle

We’ll be taking a break from ttc until after the New Year. With all the stress and side effects that come with IUI, it seemed wise to take a breather and focus on just making it through the holidays alive.

I’ve also decided, as one does when the New Year rolls around, that I would like to be more open about our struggles and publicly post an ode to infertility. It’s something that has been so moving to read from others going through the same thing and I feel a sort of responsibility to add to the discussion. This will be in my next post.

Happy New Year!

2 Week Wait

Oh, the two week wait… how I loathe thee.

David and I had our second IUI this past Tuesday, Oct. 24 and I’m feeling pretty hopeful this time around.  Our stats are much better and I found a new acupuncturist who was able to see me right before and right after the procedure to boost our odds.

On our first round we had two mature follicles, 7.2 mm uterine lining, 17 million sperm and no acupuncture.

THIS time around we had three mature follicles, 8.2 mm lining, 50 million sperm and acupuncture. Woohoo! Sorry, not sorry for the TMI.

I’ve been trying to take more time for prayer and reflection this time around and even created a little baby box to put things like pictures, prayers and trinkets that I have unknowingly been collecting. It’s been a great way to physically see my hopes and dreams for motherhood.

baby box

So far I’ve added a tiny silver flatware set that was David’s as a baby, a picture of the two of us on our wedding day, the inside of a music box that plays my favorite song – ‘Hey Jude’, a fortune from a little Thai restaurant in New Mexico that says, “Your fondest dream will come true within this year”, and a tea bag quote from the Raspberry Leaf tea that I am drinking by the gallons that says, “From a small seed a mighty trunk may grow”. Since taking this picture I have also added a Jade carved angel and a Rose Quartz bracelet. Can’t hurt to have some crystal love, right?

As the holidays approach I am feeling the desire to alienate myself from family. We have only told a few family members and, at this point, I just can’t really handle the baby questions now that we are taking some pretty bold steps to actuate our desire to be parents.  The plan is to not make any Christmas plans until after my test on Nov. 8, which is next Wednesday.

Wish us luck!

 

Here I Am.

Hey there, fertility peeps! The name’s Sarah, I’m 28, married to my high-school sweetheart and struggling with infertility. I’ve started this blog as a way to speak my truth and maybe even help others to do the same.

My husband and I have been trying for a baby just shy of two years now. We are in the beginning stages of medical intervention and have just completed one unsuccessful round of IUI (intra-uterine insemination). We will be taking this next cycle off to gather funds and emotional stability.

woman follows the road to freedom

 

This blog is coming to fruition as I am experiencing an awakening of my mind, body and soul. For so long, I have hidden my struggles to conceive and the pain that it brings from others but have recently come to realize that this has only added insult to injury. I have gotten to the point where I am no longer interested in keeping my heart closed for risk of making others uncomfortable.

So, here I am.